Top 20 Facebook Status Updates

When you raise your arms, your B.O can K.O someone. Please, invest in some deodorant.

The trumpeter blew it while auditioning for the symphony.

When I say 'I MISS SCHOOL' it means my 'FRIENDS AND THE FUN' not the 'SCHOOL'

Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

I remember going on a school field trip, and realizing the bus ride was the best part.

Edward isn't a vampire. He lives in a forest, he doesn't eat people and he sparkles... He's obviously a fairy.

Consider power as NOT getting people to obey you but getting people to work in harmony with you with the go

______ is always told alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk.

______ is waiting for boomerangs to make a comeback

______ reminds us that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left, and two Wrights made an airplane

______ Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something... Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.

_____ Smile and the whole world smiles with you, Fart and enjoy some quiet time.


______ says never put off till tomorrow what you can just ignore indefinitely


______ You are a 9.9999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me


____ says yes I admit I'm STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

facebook is the only place where it is acceptable to talk to a wal


......Behind every great woman is a man checking out her ass....


...the words 'multi-tasking' were invented for the day women had to learn to juggle housework with Facebook


‹(•¿•)›♥♥.•:*¨¨*:•.♥♥.•:*¨¨*:•.♥♥‹(•¿•)›


Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

______ is so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything, which always leads to something, cuts into the nothing and then forces him to have to drop everything


Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something... Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.


٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬

New facebook Status Updates

1. ٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱц =)

2. _____ is i wish life came with a remote to ◄◄ rewind ► play ▌▌pause ►► fast forward or sometimes just mute.

3. ☆:*´¨`*twinkle twinkle little star...point me to the nearest bar ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:

4. _____ is wondering.... if money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

5. Don't wait for the perfect moment...Take the moment and make it perfect..

6. Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

7. -► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.

8. ~ Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible that way


9. My alarm clock & I had a fight. It wanted me to get up, I refused. Things escalated. Now I'm awake & it’s broken. Not sure who won the fight


10. battery low please charge! 1% █ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅ ̲̅]