Thursday, January 5, 2012

Best Facebook Status

Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually shrinking...

That awkward moment when your crush doesn’t reply to your messages, but updates their Facebook status…

If I got paid for being lazy, I'd be a billionaire.

I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.

Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward, cause that's how I roll.

I asked God to protect me from my enemies and i started to lose friends.

It's pretty scary that before facebook ... all this stuff just stayed in peoples heads

When you drop something right in front of you and it completely disappears

That awkward moment when two people start a conversation on your facebook status. Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

Doctor's handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏.
What I see: ∮₪₩₮£.
What the nurse sees: Aspirin 500mg.

LIKE if you remember having to REWIND a video before you returned it.

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

Two tips for faster jogging… 1. hot girl in front of you 2. creepy dude behind you.

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook.

I don’t understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I’m trusting you with my money, you should at least trust me with your damn pens!

The hardcore way to eat ramen noodles:

1. Boil water 2. Eat block of ramen 3. Drink boiled water 4. Snort flavored powder 5. Fuck Bitches

I like to listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental pocket dial like I'm in an FBI van.

If you’ve never jumped from one couch to the other to avoid lava, you never had a childhood.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

When people yawn, do deaf people think they are screaming?

My girlfriend yelled at me for being "controlling." Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

It's time for our monthly 'LETS SEE WHAT YA GOT!' statuses. So lets see what you, our community, has in store for us this month!

________ can read minds, but is illiterate.

Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them.

Weed smoking and turkey pulling today. Oops ... reverse those verbs. Sorry

________ was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"

Build a man a fire he's warm for a day, set a man on fire and he's warm the rest of his life.

Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?

got his test results back this morning and is shocked to find that he been diagnosed with OCD. I've rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct

______ is normally not a praying person, but if you're up there, please save me Superman

______ is cleaning out her medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time

It takes one minute to make someone's day, and one word to destroy someone's life..♥♥

When life gives you lemons.. squirt it in your enemies eyes..(つ.と)

It is better to have an ENEMY who honestly says they hate you than to have a FRIEND who's putting you down SECRETLY..!!

Make peace with your past. Life is too short and beautiful to hold grudges against people who no longer exist in your present..::))

Prayer the key to all treasures in this life and hereafter ..!!
Always Trust Most To GOD ..!

A man can love millions girls,but A Real Man can love a girl in million ways..♥♥

I still remember those days when photos were taken for Memories and not for Facebook profiles.

The average person tell 4 lies a day or 1460 a years; a total of 87,600 by the age of 60.And the most common lie is:
I,m Fine.

Someone who truly loves you, won't make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention..♥♥

"Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments & Black keys are sad moments. But remember both keys are played together to give sweet music..." │▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌

--"In times of difficulty, don't say "Hey God, I have a big problem" instead say " Hey problem, I have a big God"

Girl: which is more important your life or me?
Boy- Before answer that let me ask u something.
Girl: sure.
Boy- what is difference b/w u and my life...!!♥

The true meaning of the word H.A.T.E.R.S... Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success!!

‎"People talk loud when they want to sound smart."

‎--Don't put your hopes up too high. Don't expect too much, because the higher you are, the deeper you might fall..!!

if the loser keeps his smile...the winner wil lose the thrill of victory


It doesnt matter what life throws at you, what's important is how you pick the pieces up afterwards.

‎--Stop caring what people think. Stop taking caution in your actions, listen to what you want, do what you want, this is your life. Live it..!!

--Try not to take things personally, what people often say is a reflection of them and not you..!!

‎--Don't worry when I argue with you,
worry when I stop, because it means there's nothing left to fight for..!!

‎--If people could learn how to smile as much as they cry, give as much as they take and love as much as they hate, this world would be a better place..!!

‎--If people could learn how to smile as much as they cry, give as much as they take and love as much as they hate, this world would be a better place..!!

Don't live in the past, because we'll miss everything that's happening in the present and things that will happen in the future.

‎--The saddest thing in the world is when two people, who at one time knew everything about one another, act like strangers..!!

The worst feeling in the world, is when you know you’re losing someone and there’s nothing that you can do to prevent being replaced :')

‎--So when you feel like there’s no more nothing left but the life you’ve broken.
No regrets.. No turning back..
Pick up yourself and tell them I’m just being me..!

The best way to get revenge on people that hurt you, is to show them you are happy and you can live without them. Xx ♥

The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down

-Sometimes you have to give up on people.
Everyone that is in your journey is meant to be in your journey, But not everyone is meant to stay there ..!!

-Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason.. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it..!!

-Sometimes you have to give up on people.
Everyone that is in your journey is meant to be in your journey, But not everyone is meant to stay there ..!!

‎--Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing..!!

-Someone said to me "you're too pretty to be single" I said "no, I'm too pretty to be lied to, cheated on, and played with..!!

‎--Don't count what you have lost, just see what you have now . Because past never comes back but sometimes future can give you back your lost things..!!

Not caring what other people think of me
was the best choice I've ever made...

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it'll always get you the right ones. :)

--Single, and in a relationship are just titles. Your HEART determines your true relationship status..!!

True love is not the number of kisses, or how often you get them, true love is the feeling that still lingers long after the kiss is over. .

If you truly love someone, no matter how hard the situation is, you wouldn't give up but instead you will fight for it.

Just because it is said that everybody deserves a second chance, doesn't mean we have a freedom to waste the first one :)

Sometimes a partner are like shoes.
The cuter they are, the more they cause you pain :P

Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry. They tease and irritate each other, knock each other down, but can’t live without each other :)

Love is not only about saying " I LOVE YOU " but also to prove that you love someone and it is true.

‎"you never really stop loving someone. you just learn to try to live without them

-Don't waste your time thinking about what might have been. The past is gone and can't be changed. Make the future what you want it to be..!!

‎--It really hurts when u complain to some one,you love only to realize they're not even Bothering to listen..!!

‎--Never beg people to stay against their will. sometimes, the gift of goodbye opens up another door. move on but never move away..!!

‎--Sweetest part in life is to carry all the memories in life,But toughest part is to say without the person who is behind those memories...!!!

Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around---From Vanilla Sky.

What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life--unknown.
In the end it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away.---unknown.

May you live all the days of your life---Jonathan Swift.

A grand adventure is about to begin. --Winnie the Pooh.

You can do anything, but not everything. --David Allen.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Remember where you have been and where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.---Nikita Koloff
If you want something you never had before, you have to do something you've never done before.---Drina Reed
Never wish that life were easier; wish that you were better. ---Jim Rohn

Life is not a matter of milestones, but of moments.---Rose Kennedy

Life is not about how hard you can hit, but how much you can get hit and still keep moving forward. ---Rocky Balboa

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.---Doug Firebaugh

You'll Never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be...
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option left.
My life isn't perfect but it does have perfect moments.
Just because this isn't a fairytale doesn't mean people can't live happily ever after.
You are what you are today, because of the decisions and choice you made yesterday.
The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.--Fran Lebowitz

Wisdom begins in wonder.
It's faith in something and enthusiasm in something that makes life worth living.
Be of use, don't be used.
Life is half spent before we know what it is. -George Herbert
In order to be someone, you must first be yourself
A man who dares to wste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. --Charles Darwin
Any idiot can face a crisis, it's day to day living that wears you out. Anton Chekhov
People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion in this world is that people are being used and things are being loved.
Don't let anyone ever make you feel you don't deserve what you want.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.---Robert Frost
You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may Kill me with you hatefulness, But still, like air--I'll rise.
Some of life's best lessons are learned at the worst times.--Blake Atkins
It doesn't matter what cards you're dealt in life, what matters is how well you play them. --Ones M Mihai
Don't try-----do.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.--Anais Nin
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. --Anne Frank

I use to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I tak my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see. --Jimi Hendrix

Anything worth doing, is worth doing slowly. --Mae West

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. -unknown

I am too
positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated. --unknown

Live with no excuses and love with no regrets. --unknown

Live for the moment you can't put into words. Unknown

You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough. -Unknown

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do. --Eleanor Roosevelt

Lies will always be bitter in the end, no matter how sweet you made it at the beginning. --Dhanti Praspani

Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change. -Unknown

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. (Ben Stein)

Difficulties come when you don't pay attention to life's whisper. Life always whis
pers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream. (Oprah

Some of the greatest things in life are unseen; that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry or dream.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining...
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. --Elbert Hubbard
I think I've discovered the secret of life. You just hang around till you get used to it---Charles Schulz
Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching. Randall G Leighton
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. --Erica Jong
Live with no excuses and love with no regrets--Montel.
Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names. --John F. Kennedy
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to's learning to dance in the rain.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?--Curtis Spencer
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.--unknown
Money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye'. unknown
Life is a pain, princess.....anyone who says differently is selling something. --Wesley from The Princess Bride
What's meant to be, will always find it's way.
The first step in getting what you want from life---decide what you want. --Ben Stein
I accept chaos, I'm not sure whether it accepts me. --Bob Dylan
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. --Christopher Robin