Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Most Liked Status Updates

"Music is my life."
║(O)║♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
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Min- - - - - - - - - - - -●Max.

♥℘.s. Æ ℓ٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥υ♥

That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.

“OMG ARE YOU OK!?” ‘Oh yeah I’m fine, I Just like bleeding for fun.’

Babe, I know that bleaching your mustache will make it less obvious, but it still tickles. So make me feel less gay and wax that motherfcker!

My wife had auto correct way before the iPhone

If a profile picture has two people in it, the profile belongs to the uglier one.

Meeting men at bars is like window shopping. You're looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies

From what I understand about the female experience, the period should be called something more drastic, like the exclamation point.

They say couples should never go to bed angry. That’s why married people always look so tired.

My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.

"Dad, I'm hungry." "Hi, Hungry. I'm Dad." "Dad, I'm serious!" "I thought you were Hungry?" "Are you kidding me?" "Nope, I'm Dad."

Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like frantically getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because my standards have been set unrealistically high after mentally dating a celebrity

Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…

In the restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

loves it when the person ringing me up asks me if that's all. Uhhhhh no, I'd also like to buy all of this invisible sh!t, too.

Anybody who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t know the first thing about women or fractions.

"Never take 'No' for an answer!" ...said the rapist.

Facebook – Where people go from SINGLE to IN A RELATIONSHIP to MARRIED to IT’S COMPLICATED then SINGLE in one day.

Dear Auto-Correct, Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. What the He'll? You piece of SHUT!

Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is ツ

LIKE if you have like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complain that you have no clothes...

Did you know? Its impossible to say "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried :)

The awkward moment when you're at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand there and pet the dog.

That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...

Hey, I found your Nose, it was in my business again.

Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

The awkward moment when you check the price tag… and sadly, go away.

I like talking to myself, answering myself, and laughing at my own jokes.

3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die. ♥

Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.

The awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.

The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.

LIKE if you hate when someone tags you in a horrible picture.

That awkward moment when you can't stop laughing while telling a joke and when your finally done your friends doesn't even get it.

The awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.

There are two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.

LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.

The awkward moment when someone says something to you for the fifth time and you still don’t know what they said.

LIKE IF:Losing your phone in your blanket, then having to throw the blanket around until it falls out.

"Who's that?" "What are they doing?" "What's happening?" ; "Shut the hell up and watch the movie".

People think I'm in a bad mood just because I'm being quiet.
"LOL" is the new way of saying "I really have nothing to say."

That awkward moment when your dancing, then you turn around & you realize someone has been watching you the WHOLE time.

The awkward moment when someone catches you staring at them.

That awkward moment when someone spells your name wrong on Facebook even though your name is RIGHT THERE!

Today I went on thesaurus.com & searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played, ninjas, well played.

"Dad I'm hungry." "Nice to meet you hungry!" "Dad, I'm serious..." "I thought you were hungry?" "Are you kidding?!" "No, I'm Dad."

Dear Heart, Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it.

Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.

The awkward moment when the person you like is online and you just open the chat window but don't know what to say.

When someone smells nice, it automatically makes them more attractive.

What Is FACEBOOK ? . . . . It's a place where a Guy posts a joke, he gets No Response... and if a Girl posts the same Joke, She gets 150 Likes, 300 Comments & 60 Friends Requests.

3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, 1 emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU !

Don't feel special I only keep your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.

The awkward moment when someone walks in on you singing to yourself.

Facebook = Heavily populated city. Twitter = Just a vacation spot. Myspace = A ghost town.

I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful.

Don't leave something good to see if you can find better, because once you realize you had the best, the best found better.

Dear iTunes, Please realize that when I put you on "shuffle", I mean "play all of my favorite songs". Sincerely, skip... skip... skip...

That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction.

The awkward moment when you get into one little fight and your mum gets scared and makes you move in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-air.

▶Music♩♪♫♬ Volume: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 %

Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.

The best 2 days of school are always the first and the last.

The awkward moment when someone brings up an embarrassing moment from your past that you do not wish to be reminded of.

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he'll never have any friends.

True: This is just Facebook, and not English class, but Damn can some of y'all at least type so we can understand what you're trying to say?

The awkward moment when you're singing really loudly to a song and then someone changes it without warning.

Boys insult each other, but they really don't mean it. Girls compliment each other but they don't mean it either.

My teacher always is talking to her imaginary friend named "Class".

The awkward moment when halfway through telling a story you realize it is pointless.

I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".

Dear Facebook, I can't believe you still haven't gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.

┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction

Being single doesn't mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes, its wiser to be alone than with the wrong person.

Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?

Unwritten Facebook rule #5 : If that person isn’t in the photo, don’t tag them.

Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting deleted.

I'm not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat... :D

Why cant they make the whole week out of Saturdays?

It doesn't matter what other people think about you. The only thing that matters is that you are happy with who you are.

That awkward moment when you get tagged in a photo on a night, at a place that you said you weren't...

There will be always that one teacher asking you a question and your friend next to you whispering the answer.

People who gossip with you, most likely gossip about you.

♥ Love me now ♥ Love me never ♥ But if You Love Me ♥ Love me Forever ♥

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should & let go of what you can't change

Your life is a book; don’t jump to the end to see if it’s worth it. Just enjoy life and fill those pages with beautiful memories.

A boy gave a girl 13 roses, 12 were real, one was fake,then the boy said to the girl, I will love you till the last rose dies.

I turn down my radio to park my car.

That awkward moment when the dentist asks you a question while their whole hand is shoved in your mouth.

The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift...thats why they call it the "present"!

I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It's nothing personal, but some people need to realize that sometimes I don't feel like talking.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

You wanna know who's amazing & has the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again :)

That awkward moment when you throw your phone because you’re angry, then get freaked out that it might be broken & wonder why you threw it.

The awkward moment when you think you're talking to your friend but then realize you're talking to a stranger beside you.

Does anyone really "Laugh Out Loud" when they write LOL?

I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.

The awkward moment when you attempt to tickle someone's armpit and end up feeling the moist on your fingers.

Don't underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers

No one can promise they'll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.

When I say I want someone with a sense of humor I mean I want someone with MY sense of humor.

When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.

I'd agree with you but then we would both be wrong.

People will forget what U said, people will forget what U did, but people will never forget how U made them feel -Maya Angelou

Some chick told me to get lost so I bought every season on DVD.

There are two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.

Memories make us who we are. Dreams make us who we will become.

That awkward moment when your in the car driving, singing loud and your phone decides to call someone and they just listen...