Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Funny Facebook Status 2

Scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today's status.

LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is ツ

The awkward moment when you're at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand there and pet the dog.

LIKE if you have like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complain that you have no clothes...

That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...

Hey, I found your Nose, it was in my business again.

Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.

The awkward moment when you check the price tag… and sadly, go away.

The awkward moment when someone says something to you for the fifth time and you still don’t know what they said.

LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.

Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.

LIKE IF:Losing your phone in your blanket, then having to throw the blanket around until it falls out.

People think I'm in a bad mood just because I'm being quiet.

I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.

That awkward moment when sarcasm doesn’t work in a text.

3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die. ♥

The awkward moment when someone catches you staring at them.

How come Facebook only has apps that let us send kisses, hugs and smiles? where are the I hate you, you suck, I wish you would get run over by a bus apps??

(your name) is…

too cool for school.
constantly evolving.
intelligently designing.
the dude, playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
a day late and a dollar short.
eating a PB&J sammich.
the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
flossing with angel hair pasta.
creatively disabled currently.
preparing for a meeting with Chuck Norris. What should I WEAR??!?!
watching some dude and some chick fight to tell someone else what not to wear.
definitely not watching what not to wear.
definitely not watching oprah.
selling my roomates $hit on eBay.
forcing my dog to learn how to google.
teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!
watching every matrix followed by every star wars followed by every LOTR. Which incidentally adds up to exactly 24hours.
snail mailing a snail. Just to say I did it.
sexual healing.
eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.
one day older than I was yesterday.
crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted!
happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
mediocre at best.


zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.
> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you homie.
20/20 hearing!
a giant hangover octopus stuck to my head.
run out of time on my parking meter.
google’d and google’d until my little paws hurt.
ninety nine problems however, a biotch is not currently one. (this can coincide with a recent “in a relationship)
just added a friend I don’t even know.
noticed your mother has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?
just bought a cadillac, throwing some D’s on that bitch.
actually won the nigerian lottery!
puked more than twice today.
sold the dudes car who keep parking in my spot on eBay. SUCKA!!!
made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.
noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.
seen pictures of you naked on the internet.


asleep until you just called me… ass!
watching football when it just hit me, football is extremely gay.
dancing with the stars.
drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha’s against drunk dialing)
googling pop tarts. God I LOVE POP TARTS!
snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.
watching 2girls1cup and now i am puking.
scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.
listening to the latest britney spears record…….. i mean… definately not listening to britney spears.