that awkward moment when you get no likes, so you delete your status. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"
If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio
...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9
About: Funny Facebook Status quotes
"Username or Password incorrect." TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU SON OF A BITCH
In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you.
Live for today, because yesterday is over and tomorrow may never come.
I know eventually it will all be alright but right now it’s not.
That’s cute how you think that affects me. Truly adorable.
Everybody’s a self-made man, but only the successful ones are ever willing to admit it
Don`t go that extra mile for someone who isn`t even worth the run.
Be wise in the decisions you make! sometimes it only takes a minute to make a decision, but you may end up spending a lifetimes regretting it.
People really should remember to engage their brain before they operate their mouth.
Don’t fear the enemy that attacks you, but the false friend that hugs you. Careful who you trust don’t be naive.
The best thing about being me, I’m a limited edition, there are no other copies!
It doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it only matters what you think of you. Don’t change because one person doesn’t like you.
There comes a time when you have to be strong, hold your head up high, and know you did your best! Don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve..
You’re the best thing that I have, I mean I had.
Sometimes you have to know when to stop hoping.
You define your own life. Don’t let people write your script..
One of the hardest things to do is “TRUST”, especially when those whom you “TRUSTED” the most were those who betrayed you.
Everyday passes by and i am one step closer to the best thing in my life.
Being defeated is often temporary, giving up makes it permanent.
Sometimes, the questions are more important than the answers.
I love photos because the best thing about them is that they never change even when the people in them change and they remind you of the amazing feelings.
Never waste time on someone who does not have time for you. be with someone who will say “time is wasted if I am not with you”
Selfishness is better than selflessness. It’s like being happy without giving a DAMN.
We have so many needs in our life, but at the end of the day, all we need is to be needed.
Forgiving is easy, forgetting is hard.
What`s better? A lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?
To gain something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.
While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy..
Never judge a book by it’s cover, or even after you have only read a few chapters, you should never voice an opinion until you know the entire story.
And at the end of the day I know I did the best I could do
The best way to screw up your life is to listen to others when they tell you how to live it.
Never settle for less when you KNOW you deserve the BEST..
Remember… every thing in life is a Choice, and every Choice comes with a Consequence, whether good or bad, Stop and think before you Choose your Consequence!
Sooner or later it wont all be about looks anymore, it will be about whats inside, trust, loyalty and honesty and finding true happiness.
Life is meant to be lived by facing the challenges it brings.
The word “HATERS” begins with the word “HA” for a reason.
Learn to appreciate what you have before time forces you to appreciate what you had
The person who can find sorrow behind your smile… words behind your silence and love behind your anger, is the person who can hold you forever.
View life as a continuous learning experience.
Never put your happiness in someone elses hands.
The best thing in life is doing what people say you can’t do.
One of the best things in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and weaknesses and still loves you and wants to be a part of all the craziness ..
Smile. It irritates those who wish to destroy you..
Good things come in good time.
The best feeling in the world is when you KNOW your heart is smiling..
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.
Beauty isn`t measured by the number of likes of your picture on Facebook..
What made you happy once, might not make you happy now.
I`m in love with your statuses. You always make me smile…
In an emergency, I`d probably write status about it before calling the police.
Facebook really needs a `No one cares` button..
Log Out is the hardest button to press…
The awkward moment when someone likes your picture that you posted 8 months ago.
The best love story is when you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.
If you don`t want me to cross the line, then don`t draw one.
3 Main rules in Relationships: Don`t lie, Don`t cheat, and Don`t make promises you can`t keep.
The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. It can only be accepted.
The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do.
Girls, being beautiful doesn’t make you nice. Being nice makes you beautiful..
Beauty is power; a smile is its sword..
Admit it, sometimes, even when your crush does something really weird, it still looks cute for you.
You’re always loved by me in ways you’ll never see.
People who are meant to be together will always find their way back.
It`s amazing how much you discover on facebook.
It`s not official until it`s on facebook.
Does anybody know how can I send an enemy request on Facebook?
You can`t face the problem if the problem iz your face.
The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. It can only be accepted.
Instead of focusing on what’s missing, learn to appreciate what’s there.
The biggest problem in life isn`t the problem itself, but how people act upon it.
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
No surprises, my heart can’t take it.
A friend is someone who’s there when he needs you.
Wow, who knew life could be this amazing..
Life is good, usually but at this moment, life is amazing.
Life is simple, we make it complicated..
Love your enemies.It’ll confuse them..
sometimes my fabulous ness even amazes me.
You want know about who is amazing and has the cutest smile Read the first word again
coins always make a sound but the currency notes are always silent,So when ur value increases, keep urself calm and silent
Life is good usually but at this moment life is amazing
Sometimes you have to let go of your fear to catch your destiny…
Some people only listen to, and believe what they want to hear, the truth, to them, is irrelevant.
Don’t be ashamed to be different. Be proud that God made you like no one else.
My life isn’t perfect, but it does have perfect moments.
Strong is the new beautiful.
Due to circumstances within my control, tomorrow will be cancelled.
Monsters are real. Ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win.
The awkward moment when you pull your blankets up and punch yourself in the damn face.
The most positive men are the most credulous.
To love and be loved is the great happiness of existence.
Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today’s events.
the most beautiful thing in this world is to see your parents smiling, and knowing that you're the reason behind it :)
I am a part of all that I have met.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving..
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire..
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you…
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman..
C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping…
Everything happens for a reason, the hard part is finding the reason.
Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller with every mistake you make…
The worst disease in the world is fear, and i am AFRAID of it..
Love is like two people holding a rubber band, we pull, then when one person let’s go, it’s the person who held on that gets hurt..
Your beauty is so rare, nobody can find it.
Forgive Quickly. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Always appreciate the time you get, because you never know how much longer it`ll last.
Sometimes all the words in the world can’t describe a single feeling.
Life is a lot better if you just smile, even in the worst times.
Be your self and not what others want you to be.
You know why people say that you can’t Sleep when you are in Love, because for the 1st Time in your life you will find something more beautiful than your dreams.
It’s better to be a complete person than be a person who is always looking for someone else to make them complete..
Hiding your emotions is the worst thing you can do. Expressing them to the right person at the right time might change everything.
Trust is a small word with a big concept.
Shy persons have the Biggest Heart in the world.
Review your actions and so as each reflections of people around you..
Dont be in a relationship if you’re going to act single..
Argument may win the situation but lose the person, but Patience may lose the situation but win the person.
Beauty attracts the eye but personality captures the heart.
Don`t make decisions when you`re angry, and Don`t make promises when you`re happy.
Everyone has that special someone in their lives i just wish i could find mine.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I never regret anything I’ve done in my past because it led to who i am today and who i will become tomorrow.
Respect can’t be bought or borrowed it must be earned.
Be yourself and let your personality be the flavor that makes you different, you are your own original version of success.
Never let what you are, but change who you are.
Sometimes you’ll never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.
This world is but a canvas to our imaginations.
Sometimes all you need in life is someone to wrap their arms around you, hold you tight and assure you that everything is going to be just fine..
Don’t give up on those you love. Give them time, give them space, give them love, but don’t give them up..
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
God is closest to those with broken hearts..
Be confident. You`ll never get anywhere if you don`t believe in yourself.
Never settle for less than you deserve.
Don`t be sad because it`s over. Smile because it happened..
If you smile when no one else is around you really mean it.
Remember, You are unique, but then again so is everyone else in this world.
Nobody knows everything but everybody knows something..
If you want to change your life, change your mind.
Its truly amazing how there is 7 billion people in this world and somehow i find my one and only true love right here in front of me.
People’s words affect you only as much as you let them.
Don`t try to fix something that isn`t broken.
Luck comes when you decided to be lucky.
Just because you have a heart, doesn`t make you a human, you got to have emotions in that.
A person who irritates you is always the one who loves you very much but fails to express it.
There is No Status without you.
Look in my eyes and you will find me, but look in my heart and you will find you.
Deleting my feelings for you, ERROR! File too big!
I never stop loving someone. I just learn to live without them.
I pretend to look around but I`m actually looking for you.
Love is like a song. Whether good or bad, it seems to get stuck in your head.
Even some of the greatest people in life, started out as nothing.
Great personality will always make you more attractive than someone who only has a great face.
Classic book is a book which people praise, but do not read
Before you judge how I live my life, I suggest you take a good look at your own.
The beauty of life is, while we can’t undo what is done, but we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change.
You gave me a reason for my being, and I love what I’m feeling. You gave me a meaning to my life.
My life isn’t perfect but it does have perfect moments.
Count your age with friends but not with years.
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
Life is a lesson you’ll learn it when you’re through.
Alter your attitude and you can alter your life.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheaper than medicine.
All I want is someone who will stay, no matter how hard it is to be with me.
Meeting men at bars is like window shopping. You’re looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on facebook and everyone likes it.
In the restaurant window, “Eat now Pay waiter.”
Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like frantically getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
If a profile picture has two people in it, the profile belongs to the uglier one.
My wife had auto correct way before the iPhone.
Some thoughts should stay in your head.
You may not like what I do or my different view but that’s why I’m me, and not you
Hold on I’m getting an idea!
Don’t be like cigarettes, people buy you when they need you and step on you when they finish from you, but be like drugs, they DIE if they don’t have you..
You know you are addicted to Facebook when you log off Facebook, turn your computer off, go to bed, role over, and log onto your Facebook from your phone one last time for the night.
If you wanna be successful in life, you have to work hard for it, but party harder.
Good morning. You are beautiful inside and out. Hit your day head on knowing this, and everything will be just fine.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize that you`re wrong.
Cheer up, tomorrow will be a better day, just believe!
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
If I could re-arrange the alphabet I would put U and I together.
Never forgets a face..but in your case I’ll make an exception!
Dreams of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana..
You’re not an ugly person. You’re an exceptionally beautiful monkey.
Love is like fire. It can warm your heart, but it can also burn your house down.
I’m a nobody. Nobody’s perfect. So I guess that makes me perfect.
Not smoking also leads to death.
Forgive your enemies. It annoys them to no end.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM
Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to write on a wall.
Harush says if you want to be together you have TO-GET-HER.
I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
I don’t get it, all my life I was told NOT to write on walls.
Behave, What you do today will be on Facebook tomorrow.
Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
Growing older is compulsory Growing up, however, remains optional.
The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
I’m usually charming, nice, and well manured, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now..
If you like me press like. If you hate me, go away. If you love me comment.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook talking never updates anything.
Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.
I need 6months vacation, twice a year..
I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing..
You and your rumors have two things in common, you’re both fake and you both get around.
If life give you lemons, squirt your enemy’s eye..
Well, We have a poke button, now we need a punch and pinch and kick button..
Facebook is a crazy house People poke each other all day have an imaginary pet farm and talk to walls
I don’t have issues, I have demonds and they are the ones with issues
I’m the person that the more you complain about me, the harder I’ll try to annoy you.
Sometimes the only one who can appreciate you, is you.
I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..
If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me..
Thinks if Peter Piper picked peppers and Jack and Jill ran up the hill and Mary took her lamb to school, wasn’t Humpty Dumpty lazy just sitting on a wall?
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I bet that in prison everyone’s FB relationship status is set to it’s complicated.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later back on. its an endless cycle..
My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.