Break up Status Updates

Break up Status Updates

• It was hard for me to walk away. But even harder when you didn’t even bother to try and stop me.
• Time passes. Memories fade. Feelings change. People leave. But hearts never forget.
• The deeper you love someone, the greater power they have to hurt you. So love wisely.
• The hardest thing in life is watching someone you love , loving your best-friend.
• Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.
• When you said you loved me, did you mean it?
• If two past lovers remain friends, it`s either someone is still in love, or someone is still hoping for a second chance.
• If you like me, Tell Me. If you miss me, Show it. If you love me, Prove it.
• Delete from Facebook: Done ✔ Delete from Msn: Done ✔ Delete from cell phone: Done ✔ Delete from the Heart:Error
• Never recycle a past relationship. Because if it didn`t work out before, what makes you think it would this time?
• I wish I knew what I was getting into before I started to care this much.
• Falling for you☑ Losing you☑ Crying over you☑ Getting over you☐
• It`s sad when you think something can last forever, and the other person isn’t as fully committed as you are.
• We never really move on, all you can do is find someone else to think about.
• Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you`re available. Sometimes you have to put up a sign that says, “Do Not Disturb” on your heart. ♥
• You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story.
• The hardest thing to do is watch someone you love, love someone else.
• Dear Tummy, sorry 4 all the butterflies. Dear Pillow, sorry 4 all the tears. Dear Heart, sorry 4 all the damage. Dear Brain, you were right.
• A heart break is a blessing from God. It`s just his way of letting you realize he saved you from the wrong one.
• Dear brain, give me a break. Get that someone out of my mind, please.
• A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself to fix it.
  No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.
  Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.
  It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye.
  Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
  Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
  - Khalil Gibran
  The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live.
  I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you
  Everyone tells me I should forget about you, you don’t deserve me. They’re right, you don’t deserve me, but I deserve you.
  Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.
  When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. You are no longer alive.
  I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.
  It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.
  The heart was made to be broken.
  - Oscar Wilde
  Just because you don’t deserve my tears doesn’t mean I don’t waste them on you.
  Take away love and our earth is a tomb.
  - Robert Browning
  Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.
  - Victoria Holt
  Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn’t think you wanted.
  Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.
  Just give me time and I’ll get over you.
  Don’t cry over someone who wouldn’t cry over you.
  - Lauren Conrad
  Love is unconditional, relationships are not.
  - Grant Gudmundson
  If someone you love hurts you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.
  The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal.
  - Astrid Alauda
  Let me be the one to break it up so you won’t have to make excuses.
  Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.
  Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  Don’t trust too much, don’t love too much, don’t care too much because that ‘too much’ will hurt you so much!
  The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.
  As soon as forever is through, I’ll be over you.
  - Toto
  My biggest mistake wasn’t falling for you. It was thinking you had fallen for me too.
  There’s a girl in my mirror crying tonight, and there’s nothing I can say to make her feel all right.
  I was born the day I met you, lived a while when you loved me, died a little when we broke apart.
  My heart was taken by you, broken by you, and now it is in pieces because of you.
  The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don’t love you back.
  Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.
  - Lamartine
  The sad part isn’t that we never talk, its that we used to talk everyday.
  I don’t want to keep being the girl that keeps crying about the same things.
  You don’t realize how much you care about someone until they don’t care about you.
  I wish you weren’t in my dreams.
  Sometimes I wish I had never met you, so when I lay in bed at night I wouldn’t have anything to be sad about.
  If you can’t save the relationship, at least save your pride.

Funny LoL Status Ideas

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving.
Cop: Sir have you been drinking?
Man: No.
Cop: Papers.
Man: Scissors, I win!
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Dear Warner Bros: Now that I’m an adult, I feel I’m am old enough to hear what the “Beep Beep” is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says “Look, a dead bird.” Blonde looks up in the sky, “WHERE, WHERE?”
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Scratch here – ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal today’s status?
Would like to congratulate their parents on having such an awesome daughter-well done!
When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.
Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!
Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.
I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, “You’re next“.
A murderer was sitting on the electric chair. “Do u have any last requests?” “Yes, will u hold my hand?” XD
Boy: hey dad I got a girlfriend Dad: Good job son! Girl: Hey daddy I got a boyfriend Dad: *loads shotgun*
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, i told them to bugger off, my dog does not own a bike!
I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you’re in Heaven!
Insert coin to view status message?
When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half!
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say “in jesus name amen”.
Ques: Why do Girls live Longer Than Boys? Ans: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, .. But Paying the Bill does.
Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you dont know
Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. Sincerely, Me.
There’s no such thing as insomnia. Just a lot of people with Internet access. (by ziggy)
”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – Saket Narayan

1. You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status!
2. If money grew on trees, girls would be dating monkeys!
3. Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
4. I am not born to please people, So if you want to get pleased try me in next life…good luck!
5.  Dear math: I am not a therapist, so solve your own problems.
6. What do i do when i see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile and when i get tired i put the mirror down
7. 4 out of 5 urologists smell an apple juice before they drink it.
8. Girls spend the first 10 years of their lifes playing with barbies. The next 10 years of their lifes they try to look like one. (;
9. How come Mario can smash through bricks, yet he dies when he touches a freakin turtle??
10.  How much do I have to drink to get a mosquito drunk?
11. Today I decided to burn calories so i turned fire on fat kids!!
12.  I’m not saying you’re stupid; you just have bad luck when you’re thinking.
13. I miss you like a retard misses the point!
14. wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…but suicide’s a crime.
15. I wish I had Doras parents… They let that girl go everywhere!
16. I got all excited when my husband said he was taking somewhere expensive tonight. 10 minutes later we were at the gas station.
17. “Super” Mario should so be a kid role model: “Heyy kids don’t be racist… I’m an Italian made by the Japanese I speak English I look like a Mexican and I run like a Jamaican!”
18. Just finished my 6 minute upper body workout-it was pretty easy:arm down,pick up food,arm up,put food in mouth, switch arms.
19. Ok Mario you can hit bricks with your head right? Then why do you die when you touch a turtle WTF! -.-
20. A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never let her down. He will comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions. He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible …No, wait. Sorry. I’m thinking of wine. It’s wine that does all that. Never mind.
21.  When a lady had a nice time with a guy, she looks forward for the next moment and the guys looks forward for the next chick.
22. I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years.
23.  they say you should pay taxes with a smile, I tried……. but they wanted cash.
24. The awkward moment when you go to grab someone sexy and tell em hey and you run into the mirror!
25. The awkward moment when your at your friends house and your friend is fighting with their parents so you just go and pat the dog.
26. Children – You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
27. Success is like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
28. I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
29. Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you’re in Heaven!
30. Insert coin to view status message?
31. When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half!
32. If you ever get caught sleeping on the job… slowly raise your head and say “in jesus name amen”.
33. Note to self: Never make eye contact with a man while eating a banana.
34. Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you dont know.
35. I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying “You’re next”. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, “You’re next“.
36. A murderer was sitting on the electric chair. “Do u have any last requests?” “Yes, will u hold my hand.Would like to congratulate their parents on having such an awesome daughter-well done!
37. When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.
38. Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!
39. Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.
40. Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
41. I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
42. Dear Warner Bros: Now that I’m an adult, I feel I’m am old enough to hear what the “Beep Beep” is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
43. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
44. Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
45. Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says “Look, a dead bird.” Blonde looks up in the sky, “WHERE, WHERE?”
46. Fucking” is one of those fucking words you can fucking put any fucking where in a sentence and it still makes fucking sense.
47. Just wanna be a good guy, no matter how hard it is…
48.  People always say hard work pays off in future but, why wouldn’t they think of Laziness that pays off now.
49.  I used to play sports alot. Until, recently I realized that trophies are much cheaper than I ever imagined they were. You know what, now I’m good at everything.
50. Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn’t surprising really, know why?? It isn’t my birthday today!!
51. It’s too bad that not many people repeat their mistakes. I’m so good at it.
52. wanted to be a hero. He wanted the glory, he wanted the fame, he wanted the pretty girls to come up to him and kiss him.
53. Best file compression around: “DELETE” = 100% compression.
54. I want to kill the smartest person in the world… but suicide is a crime, you know!!
55. If you try to fail and you succeed, have you succeeded or failed?
56. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
57. If you can’t get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.
58. Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills…making the last car payment.
59. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
60. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
61. Assassins do it from behind.
62. I could talk about myself for hours. But the second someone asks me to tell them a little bit about myself? I can’t even remember my name.
63. One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions
64. I don’t know what I’d do without Facebook. Probably my work.
65. I am the type of person who laughs at mistakes, so pardon me if I laugh at your face
66. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
67. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use Facebook and they won’t bother you for Weeks
68. I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
69. Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
70. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling.
71. I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, “How did you get in here?”
72. Not every flower can say love, a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, a cactus did. Not every retard can read, but look at you go!”
73. Today I told my car it’s ok to tell me it’s a Transformer. It did’nt answer. I figure it’s just waiting for the right moment….
74. I’m so cool I embarass winter
75. Allow me to introduce my selves.
76. Morning all…. as you can see your assassins fails!
77. My gf died in my arms. Actually I was holding her under the water.
78. When you sponsor a dog, The dog will write back to you… How??
79. So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
80. Insert coin to view my status message.”
81. “Most of us can keep a secret. It’s the people we tell it to who can’t.”
82. ..says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
83. “Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.”
84. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
85. I will stop judging myself on how many people I have on my friends list. Also, stop taking posed, extreme angle profile pics…if you know me you know what I really look like.
86. If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
87. You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status!
88. You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick every single one before I post them.
89. Next time your “making love” try screaming your own name!
90. If life is such a bitch , Why do 97% of Men Marry one ??
91. Take life as it comes in your face and runs down your chin.
92. When I die, i`m gonna have a “like” and “dislike” button on my gravestone
93. Do not ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
94. Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit!
95. There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
96. Nobody dies a virgin, life fucks everyone.
97. I know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling.
98. I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”
99. Violence is not the answer only a temporary solution, read that on wikipedia somewhere!
100. If the world was fair, Elvis Presley would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead!
101. Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
102. Just deleted 100 friends… if you are reading this congrats my friend
103. Life’s a bitch, if it were a slut it’d be so much easier.
104. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some continue to abuse the privilege!
105. I used to laugh from my heart now I laugh from mind. The only reason why I’m still laughing is to keep you from knowing that I’m crying.
106. …Says that one day, you will look at me and think – “he was good to me…he really did love me.”
107. you can replace me… but you can never forget me…
108. Which is worse? To be in someone’s life but not in their dreams? Or to be in someone’s dreams but not in their life?
109. I woke up again today with my heart hurting… it misses you. I don’t know why. It should hate you for breaking it and making it miserable, but it doesn’t.
110. it hurts when you try to make things RIGHT, and all that they can see in you is WRONG.
111. girls fall in love with what they hear and boys fall in love with what they see and that’s why girls wear make up and boys lie
112. U pushed me so far away, now I’m on the edge. Do u love me enough to pull me back? Or prove me right and let me fall, letting the next person pick me up!MeliMel
113. I’ve let certain people stay in my life far longer than they deserve and it’s time to toss out the trash and bring back those who did nothing wrong 
114. you won’t tell me because you think the truth will hurt me, but it’s the lie that’s killing me
115. I’m trying not to love you. I’m trying not to care. I’m trying not to live my life wishing you were here. But i just can’t do it..

It’s funny how girls RUN from the guys who try to make them happy, and FIGHT for the ones that make them cry..

Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares

Sometimes when you love something, it’s best to let it go…But what happens if you love something so much, you can’t let it go?

no use, don’t try i will sit here and die. no rose no kiss could make up for this, you were my world, my life, now i just think of you when i pick up the knife

Don’t tell me you love me, i might do something crazy like believe you.

Even with all this pain inside of me, I still try to keep a smile on my face

It’s sad when the person that made you feel this bad in the first place, has no idea that you hurt at all.

sometimes all you ever want is someone to want and need you as much as you want and need them

is tired of always being second best, why cant i be first for once! I do have a heart u know, it’s not a toy which can be played with whenever u feel like it!

is tired of always being second best, why cant i be first for once! I do have a heart u know, it’s not a toy which can be played with whenever u feel like it!

trust is better than love~~you can always love someone that you can trust~~but you can’t always trust someone that you love.

Frustrated because I can’t tell if it’s real. Mad because I don’t know how you feel. Upset because we can’t make it right. Sad because I need you day and night.

If you love someone, you should never give up on them, even if they make mistakes..

Even though you hurt me so much I don’t hate you, I don’t regret meeting you, I don’t regret loving you, because you are the reason I am who I am, strong.

its like being trapped, when someone you love breaks your heart , it gets hard to love anymore or to even trust anyone with your heart.

is thinking it is time to step back, take a deep breath, and let things fall where they may. It will all work out in the end, even if it’s not the way we want.

Men are worthless. Feelings of love are just a temporary lapse in judgement, like a kind of mental illness.

I’ve tried so hard not to let it show. I’ve tried so hard not to care, but I guess when your heart breaks, you begin to see the cracks in everything.

You knew I was broken, yet, you had to crush the already broken bits into tiny, unfixable pieces…

The strongest people are not those who always win, but those who stand back up when they fall.

I use to say…I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight, and I won’t let go..Then one day i realized your just not worth it any more

No matter what happens; your always going to love that one person, even if they hurt you a million and one times.

If you care and love someone you don’t go flirting with others .You make that person know how you feel.That is what is wrong in the world . some are never happy

mom always said not to write on walls . . . but apparently on Facebook u can.

since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?

Had a very busy day today, converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. Aha very productive

i di dont get it when someone says paper beats rock in paper scissors rock, what happens if i threw a rock at u and all u had was a piece of paper to defend urself

Finds it funny when somebody rings your house phone and then asks where you are?

History lesson: The dinosaur’s didn’t go extinct. Barney showed up and they all committed suicide.

Need to talk? (Text Me) Need a friend? (Call Me) Need a hug? (Stop By) Need some money? (This number is no longer in service)

Funny Facebook Status 

• decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
• One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
• When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
• I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
• sometimes, not remembering mey be the better.
• X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
• X is the girl next door…if you live next door to a whore house.
• What is fat, ginger and pregnant? Nothing..
• slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
• wanted to kill the sexiest person alive…But suicide’s a crime.
• X is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
• People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
• Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
• WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
• ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
• Dear Santa, let me explain…
• I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
• My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.
• If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.
• Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
• Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
• Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
• Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.
• ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
• _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
• if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
• scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.
• ̿̿̿ ̿’ ̿’̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ this is a stick-up… give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
• Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
• The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
• Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
• i’ve yet to meet a woman who got pregnant from swallowing.
• Cut here —————–✄———————-
• Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
• I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
• People who write diet books live off the fat of the land.
• Dance like no one’s going to put it on YouTube.
• Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
• Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.
• Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
• So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.
• X thinks that Facebook is the compost heap for my brain.
• Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
• You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.
• Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
• I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
• Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
• I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?
• X thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
• Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
• what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
• I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
• press the star below and watch it glow 
• ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ click star then up arrow to left to reveal status.
• I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
• Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
• X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
• Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
• I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
• X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
• X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
• ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
• Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
• wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
• X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
• Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
• If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
• eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
• I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
• a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
• ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
• All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
• too cool for school.
• trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
• the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
• –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.
• definitely not watching what not to wear.
• forcing my dog to learn how to google.
• kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
• Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
• X is Loading ████████████ 99%
• Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
• U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown.
• X went to the book store earlier to buy a ‘Where’s Wally’ book. When I got there, I couldn’t find the book anywhere. Well played Wally, well played.
• Hi, my name is Damimeve. The ‘mime’ is silent.
• I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
• In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
• X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
• never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
• a day late and a dollar short.
• Insert coin to view my status message.
• If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
• We have so much in common. You want to travel,I want you to go .
• happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
• seen pictures of you naked on the internet.
• remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
• > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you home.
• Boy: So, sex at my place?
  Girl: Yah!
  Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
  Girl: OK?
  ~Later~
  …Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
  Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!
  I know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!
  I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
  Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.
  Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
  Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
  I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected ”
  Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
  why do we need school???
  music~we have YouTube for that.
  Spanish ~i watch Dora.
  English ~everything is shortened anyway (brb,idk,lol).
  geography~i will buy a globe.
  history~they are all dead anyway.
  math~that is why we have the calculator.
  spelling~we have spell check on the computer.
  People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?
  NEVER trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
  I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”
  “how do you spell gay?”
  “g.a.y?”
  “noooo! j.u.s.t.i.n b.i.e.b.e.r!” (;
  what’s the difference between puberty & a water bottle? a water bottle hit Justin Bieber first! (;
  Going to McDonalds for salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
  Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD
  Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
  Sometimes your Knight in shinning armour is just an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
  We guys have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see us without an erection, make us a sandwich ! 
  Me and my mom were shopping for new Cd’s and she asked me..
  Mom: honey, Who’s your favorite artist?
  Me: Eminem
  Mom: The candy?
  Me: no the rapper
  Mom:What’s so special good about Candy Wrappers?
  If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?
  status: I can’t log into facebook 
  A bug just landed on my computer screen and my first reaction was on try and scare it away with the curser
  *BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNENT*
  Doctor: your pregnent
  Blond: *smiles* 
  Doctor: your having twins
  Blond: *crys*
  Doctor: is’ant that good?
  Blond: i dont know who the father is for the other baby
  Doctor: LUCKY IM A BRUNETTE !!!!!!!
  Did you know in Japan girls keep their phones on vibrate and put them down their crotch? Don’t feel bad if they don’t answer. It means they’re busy  All i want to know is, where can i get a number? 
  Your make-up looks so pretty:) lol jk it looks like a crayola raped your face!!!
  My friends status said, “standing on the edge of a cliff :/”…so i poked him.
  Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself “Dude, that’s the sperm that won???”
  Sometimes i fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.
  i know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling
  Guy: Did It Hurt?
  Chick: Did What Hurt?
  Guy: When you fell from…
  Chick: Heaven Awww :’)
  Guy: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down!!
  Chick: ……….
  Guy: Hahaha BITCH!!
  Sorry, Ke$ha the party dont stop till I walk in.
  honk if you love Jesus Textwhile driving if you want to meet him.
  Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.
  How much coke has Charlie Sheen done?……………enough to kill 2 1/2 men….
  I love how justin bieber can hit high notes but not puberty!
  Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
  Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
  I WISH i could be a status, so you could LIKE me .
  I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”
  Justin bieber: DAD DAD i just had sex
  Justin biebers dad: REALY!!!1 THATS SOO AWESOME SON
  Justin bieber: i just have one question
  J B’s dad: Whats that?
  Justin bieber: when will my arse stop hurting
  J B;s dad: -.- …
  A divorced man walks over to his ex-wifes new hubby n asked…so how does it feel enjoying 2nd hand goods?..Doesn’t bother me,he responds..actually once u get past the 1st 3 inches, the rest is all brand new.
  I wonder what will happen if Steve Jobs dies…. His tombstone may read – iDead…
  Got into a fight with my alarm clock this morning it wanted me to wake up i disagreed now the alarms broken and im wide awake…not sure who won.
  I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.
  A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
  Please copy and paste this to your status if you know someone, or have been affected by someone who needs a punch in the face. People who need a punch in the face affect the lives of many. There is still no known cure for someone who deserves a punch in the face, except for a punch in the face. But we can still raise awareness!
  One day a chicken croxed the road and met james bond and said whats your name?? ….bond james bond… whats yours??..ken chick ken!
  Behind every great woman is a man looking at her ass!
  I’d rather Cry over cuts & stitches. not sluts & bitches !
  NOTE: If you believe an item infringes a copyright - THAT YOU HOLD - please communicate your concern using the following process. We accepts notifications of alleged copyright violations in accordance with the Digital Millenium Copyright Act. Email: dinoponz(at)gmail.com

Best Facebook Status

Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually shrinking...

That awkward moment when your crush doesn’t reply to your messages, but updates their Facebook status…

If I got paid for being lazy, I'd be a billionaire.

I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.

Sometimes I put my hands on the floor, tuck my head into my chest and lean forward, cause that's how I roll.

I asked God to protect me from my enemies and i started to lose friends.

It's pretty scary that before facebook ... all this stuff just stayed in peoples heads

When you drop something right in front of you and it completely disappears

That awkward moment when two people start a conversation on your facebook status. Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

Doctor's handwriting: ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏.
What I see: ∮₪￦₮￡.
What the nurse sees: Aspirin 500mg.

LIKE if you remember having to REWIND a video before you returned it.

Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll

Two tips for faster jogging… 1. hot girl in front of you 2. creepy dude behind you.

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook.

I don’t understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I’m trusting you with my money, you should at least trust me with your damn pens!

The hardcore way to eat ramen noodles:

1. Boil water 2. Eat block of ramen 3. Drink boiled water 4. Snort flavored powder 5. Fuck Bitches

I like to listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental pocket dial like I'm in an FBI van.

If you’ve never jumped from one couch to the other to avoid lava, you never had a childhood.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

When people yawn, do deaf people think they are screaming?

My girlfriend yelled at me for being "controlling." Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

It's time for our monthly 'LETS SEE WHAT YA GOT!' statuses. So lets see what you, our community, has in store for us this month!

________ can read minds, but is illiterate.

Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them.

Weed smoking and turkey pulling today. Oops ... reverse those verbs. Sorry

________ was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine"

Build a man a fire he's warm for a day, set a man on fire and he's warm the rest of his life.

Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?

got his test results back this morning and is shocked to find that he been diagnosed with OCD. I've rung the doctors nine times to check if they're correct

______ is normally not a praying person, but if you're up there, please save me Superman

______ is cleaning out her medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time

It takes one minute to make someone's day, and one word to destroy someone's life..♥♥

When life gives you lemons.. squirt it in your enemies eyes..(つ.と)

It is better to have an ENEMY who honestly says they hate you than to have a FRIEND who's putting you down SECRETLY..!!

Make peace with your past. Life is too short and beautiful to hold grudges against people who no longer exist in your present..::))

Prayer the key to all treasures in this life and hereafter ..!!
Always Trust Most To GOD ..!

A man can love millions girls,but A Real Man can love a girl in million ways..♥♥

I still remember those days when photos were taken for Memories and not for Facebook profiles.

The average person tell 4 lies a day or 1460 a years; a total of 87,600 by the age of 60.And the most common lie is:
I,m Fine.

Someone who truly loves you, won't make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention..♥♥

"Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments & Black keys are sad moments. But remember both keys are played together to give sweet music..." │▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌│▌▌│▌▌▌

--"In times of difficulty, don't say "Hey God, I have a big problem" instead say " Hey problem, I have a big God"

Girl: which is more important your life or me?
Boy- Before answer that let me ask u something.
Girl: sure.
Boy- what is difference b/w u and my life...!!♥

The true meaning of the word H.A.T.E.R.S... Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success!!

‎"People talk loud when they want to sound smart."

‎--Don't put your hopes up too high. Don't expect too much, because the higher you are, the deeper you might fall..!!


if the loser keeps his smile...the winner wil lose the thrill of victory



A WINNER NEVER QUITS....and......A QUITTER NEVER WINS.....



It doesnt matter what life throws at you, what's important is how you pick the pieces up afterwards.



‎--Stop caring what people think. Stop taking caution in your actions, listen to what you want, do what you want, this is your life. Live it..!!


--Try not to take things personally, what people often say is a reflection of them and not you..!!

‎--Don't worry when I argue with you,
worry when I stop, because it means there's nothing left to fight for..!!

‎--If people could learn how to smile as much as they cry, give as much as they take and love as much as they hate, this world would be a better place..!!

‎--If people could learn how to smile as much as they cry, give as much as they take and love as much as they hate, this world would be a better place..!!

Don't live in the past, because we'll miss everything that's happening in the present and things that will happen in the future.

‎--The saddest thing in the world is when two people, who at one time knew everything about one another, act like strangers..!!


The worst feeling in the world, is when you know you’re losing someone and there’s nothing that you can do to prevent being replaced :')


‎--So when you feel like there’s no more nothing left but the life you’ve broken.
No regrets.. No turning back..
Pick up yourself and tell them I’m just being me..!

The best way to get revenge on people that hurt you, is to show them you are happy and you can live without them. Xx ♥

The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down

-Sometimes you have to give up on people.
Everyone that is in your journey is meant to be in your journey, But not everyone is meant to stay there ..!!

-Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason.. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it..!!


-Sometimes you have to give up on people.
Everyone that is in your journey is meant to be in your journey, But not everyone is meant to stay there ..!!


‎--Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing..!!

-Someone said to me "you're too pretty to be single" I said "no, I'm too pretty to be lied to, cheated on, and played with..!!

‎--Don't count what you have lost, just see what you have now . Because past never comes back but sometimes future can give you back your lost things..!!

Not caring what other people think of me
was the best choice I've ever made...

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it'll always get you the right ones. :)

--Single, and in a relationship are just titles. Your HEART determines your true relationship status..!!

True love is not the number of kisses, or how often you get them, true love is the feeling that still lingers long after the kiss is over. .

If you truly love someone, no matter how hard the situation is, you wouldn't give up but instead you will fight for it.


Just because it is said that everybody deserves a second chance, doesn't mean we have a freedom to waste the first one :)


Sometimes a partner are like shoes.
The cuter they are, the more they cause you pain :P

Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry. They tease and irritate each other, knock each other down, but can’t live without each other :)

Love is not only about saying " I LOVE YOU " but also to prove that you love someone and it is true.


‎"you never really stop loving someone. you just learn to try to live without them



-Don't waste your time thinking about what might have been. The past is gone and can't be changed. Make the future what you want it to be..!!


‎--It really hurts when u complain to some one,you love only to realize they're not even Bothering to listen..!!


‎--Never beg people to stay against their will. sometimes, the gift of goodbye opens up another door. move on but never move away..!!


‎--Sweetest part in life is to carry all the memories in life,But toughest part is to say without the person who is behind those memories...!!!

Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around---From Vanilla Sky.

What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life--unknown.
In the end it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away.---unknown.

May you live all the days of your life---Jonathan Swift.

A grand adventure is about to begin. --Winnie the Pooh.

You can do anything, but not everything. --David Allen.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Lao-Tze

Remember where you have been and where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.---Nikita Koloff
If you want something you never had before, you have to do something you've never done before.---Drina Reed
Never wish that life were easier; wish that you were better. ---Jim Rohn

Life is not a matter of milestones, but of moments.---Rose Kennedy

Life is not about how hard you can hit, but how much you can get hit and still keep moving forward. ---Rocky Balboa

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.---Doug Firebaugh

You'll Never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be...
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option left.
My life isn't perfect but it does have perfect moments.
Just because this isn't a fairytale doesn't mean people can't live happily ever after.
You are what you are today, because of the decisions and choice you made yesterday.
The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.--Fran Lebowitz

Wisdom begins in wonder.
It's faith in something and enthusiasm in something that makes life worth living.
Be of use, don't be used.
Life is half spent before we know what it is. -George Herbert
In order to be someone, you must first be yourself
A man who dares to wste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. --Charles Darwin
Any idiot can face a crisis, it's day to day living that wears you out. Anton Chekhov
People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion in this world is that people are being used and things are being loved.
Don't let anyone ever make you feel you don't deserve what you want.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.---Robert Frost
You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may Kill me with you hatefulness, But still, like air--I'll rise.
Some of life's best lessons are learned at the worst times.--Blake Atkins
It doesn't matter what cards you're dealt in life, what matters is how well you play them. --Ones M Mihai
Don't try-----do.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.--Anais Nin
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. --Anne Frank

I use to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I tak my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see. --Jimi Hendrix

Anything worth doing, is worth doing slowly. --Mae West


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. -unknown

I am too
positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated. --unknown

Live with no excuses and love with no regrets. --unknown

Live for the moment you can't put into words. Unknown

You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough. -Unknown

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do. --Eleanor Roosevelt

Lies will always be bitter in the end, no matter how sweet you made it at the beginning. --Dhanti Praspani

Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change. -Unknown

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. (Ben Stein)

Difficulties come when you don't pay attention to life's whisper. Life always whis
pers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you'll get a scream. (Oprah


Some of the greatest things in life are unseen; that's why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry or dream.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining...
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. --Elbert Hubbard
I think I've discovered the secret of life. You just hang around till you get used to it---Charles Schulz
Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching. Randall G Leighton
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. --Erica Jong
Live with no excuses and love with no regrets--Montel.
Forgive your enemies, but never, never forget their names. --John F. Kennedy
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's learning to dance in the rain.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?--Curtis Spencer
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.--unknown
Money talks, but all mine ever says is 'good-bye'. unknown
Life is a pain, princess.....anyone who says differently is selling something. --Wesley from The Princess Bride
What's meant to be, will always find it's way.
The first step in getting what you want from life---decide what you want. --Ben Stein
I accept chaos, I'm not sure whether it accepts me. --Bob Dylan
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. --Christopher Robin

Saying and Quotes 3

Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the wrong ones.

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired"

"If I tell you, I love you, can I keep you forever"

"...Just refreshed her facebook page and there are still no wall messages"

"...Is proofreading your status"

"...The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."

"...Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk past you again?"

"..Love is a fire: But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell"

"If God is watching us, the least we can do is - be entertaining."

"Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"Life comes with no guarantees, no timeouts, no second chances, you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to fall in love, and most of all, live in the moment, every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

"the greatest thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and differences and still finds you absolutely amazing.♥ "

"A real man doesn't love a million girls, he loves one girl in a million ways ♥"


"The longer you wait for something,the more you appreciate it when you get it, because anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for"..^_^

"If you had a chance to be someone else for a day.. Type in who and why.

...Hey you, looking at my status. Hi!٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

"For The Next 24 Hours I'm Gonna Be Completely Honest (: Message Me Any Question And I'll Answer It, But Hurry Before Time Runs Out!"

"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. . . . It mean that you've decided to look beyond imperfections!★"

"Good friends are like stars, you don't always see them, but you know they are always there when you need them"

"I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!!"

"I thought a thought but the thought i thought wasn't the thought i thought i thought!"

"♬Just chill folks.... ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬ "

"The spaces between my fingers are where yours fit perfectly"

"...Sometimes, you just can't tell anybody how you really feel... not because u don't know why, not because u don't know ur purpose, not because u don't trust them... but because... you can never really find the right words to make them understand"

Express yourself about what you feel and your mantra of life in your facebook profile. Use any of the good quotes to live by. If not quotes, just write a few lines about yourself.

"If U feel stressed, give urself a break. Eat some ice cream, chocolates, candy and cake. Y.? Bcoz STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS!! Enjoy Life.:-), That's my style? Come, Join me..."

"Poke me if you have had a crush on me , like this if you think i'm cute , inbox me if you ever wanted a relationship , put a smile if we are friends =] , put an angry face if you don't like me :@ or put a heart if you wanna be more than friends ♥ . Now let's see who is brave enough to put this as their status :)"

"Love me or Hate me. Either way im still on your mind :p"

"I am The Author Of My Life" && I'm Currently Writing In Pen; I Can't Erase My Mistakes All I Can Do Is Learn From Them; Everything I've Been Through In Life; Shapes Me Into The Beautiful Young Lady I am Today; As The Days Go On I Get Wiser && Strong ... ♥ ...

"Would like the opportunity to prove that winning the lottery would NOT ruin my life"

I'm thinking about thinking but i don't know what to think about so i think i should just stop thinking before i think too much! :P

"Wants to say thank you to all the people who walked into my life and made it outstanding and all the people who walked out of my life and made it fantastic "

"Some things are worth FIGHTING FOR, some things are just NOT WORTH the fight, and everything else..JUST SHAKE YOUR HEAD AND LAUGH..It doesn't matter anyway!

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Bigamy: One wife too many. Monogamy: Same thing.

I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.

World Population Rank: 1. China 2. India 3. Facebook 4. USA 5. MySpace 6. Indonesia 7. Brazil 8. Twitter

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away but if the doctor is beautiful throw the apple away!

This dog is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Some men inherit money, some earn it, and some are lawyers.

Why don't you understand me like my iPhone does??

If I were any more single, I'd be a fraction. :)

I am in a relationship with studies and it's complicated :">

When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but when I'm busy, my phone blows up.

Is that your ex? No, that's the biggest mistake of my life.

If Google can't find it, you are screwed.

I stepped on a cornflake. Does that mean I'm a cereal killer?

Yo Mamas So Fat She Downloaded Cheats For Wii Fat!

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.

Computers: Working daily to make the human brain obsolete.

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

I once cried when I had no Facebook....Then i met someone with no Internet!

If "poli" means many, and "tics" mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does "politics" mean?‌

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

You don't know a woman till you've met her in court.

I woke up on the wrong side of Facebook.

My Facebook wall is broken.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a revolver at him?"

►A girl updated her status "I got my periods..."
47 boys commented "Thank God"
and 23 liked her status◄

►If a girl has 500 likes in a photo and 450 comments,Whats missing?..
►
► Her CLOTHES!!

▲▽▲ pretty girls who are unaware of their looks are

more attractive than gorgeous girls who flaunt it.

8 year olds today have Facebooks, twitter, phones, ipods. When i was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.

►A husband and wife is sleeping together. Suddenly the wife shouted:"run my husband is coming!!". Suddenly the husband jumped off and ran away

in this case who is the cheater?!!

►Gonna let my future kids watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived :)

►Daughter: Dad I'm a lesbian
►Dad: ok it's cool
►Second daughter: I'm also a lesbian
►Dad: Christ! Doesn't anyone in this family love cock?
►Son: I do

Warning :

If you ever receive an e-mail that reads, "You have just won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.",

DO NOT OPEN IT!
It contains two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert :P

Admit it......

At least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position.

When i was little i used to close the fridge door really slowly just to see when the light went out.

Like if u did that too :)

My Wi-Fi suddenly stopped working
.
I realized that my neighbors haven't paid the bills...
how irresponsible they are.

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." ~ Les Brown

"Being miserable is a habit. Being happy is a habit. The choice is yours." -Tom Hopkins

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."

Success is the proper utilization of failure.

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

You've got to be before you can do, and do before you can have.

You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want. - Zig Ziglar

Satisfaction does not come with achievement, but with effort. Full effort is full victory. - Gandhi

Adversity it sometimes hard upon a man; but for one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity. - Thomas Carlyle

"God gives every bird a worm, but he does not throw it into the nest." Swedish Proverb

Don't quack like a duck.. soar like an eagle. - Ken Blanchard

There's no greater happiness in this world than to see your child grow and realize his dreams and not just your own.

Life isn’t what you want it to be, it’s what you make it become.

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
-Ramona L. Anderson
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

Best things in life are sometimes the ones we always see yet we fail to notice.

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.~Dale Carnegie

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. -Will Rogers

The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen. - Frank Loyd Wright

A good plan is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. -General George S. Patton

Money is what people without talent use to keep score. -Jeremy C. Epworth

"I could do this thing good and I could go home with a happy feeling that I've changed the world"- A Facebook Software Developer

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

You cannot dream yourself into a character: you must hammer and forge yourself into one. - Henry D. Thoreau

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

To succeed in life in today's world, you must have the will and tenacity to finish the job. - Chin-Ning Chu

The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss. -Thomas Carlyle

The road to success is lined with many tempting parking spaces.

Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. - Richard Bach

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. -H.L. Hunt

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Edison

I've learned that when things seem to go wrong, stay calm and wait till you see the bigger picture.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go.Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things call together.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~Bill Cosby

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.~David Brinkley

Sometimes the only way to protect the people you love is staying away from them. - Fernando Sucre

Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready...and you'll see God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dreamed of. - President Gordon B. Hinckley

Most people walk in and out of your life. But only true friends leave footprints in your heart

I ain't gonna give up on you. I ain't gonna give you up for in love, either you fight and live, or quit and die.

We could be a possibility~Tiffany Alvord

You gave me a reason for my being, and I love what I'm feeling. You gave me a meaning to my life.

Young women are much more than a list of characteristics. They have different personalities, different likes & dislikes. Some are easier to talk to than others.- Ryan Carr

Your purpose explains what you are doing with your life. Your vision explains how you are living your purpose. Your goals enable you to realize your vision

You already have every characteristic necessary for success if you recognize, claim, develop and use them." - Zig Ziglar