Funny Status Idea 1

Facebook Status Ideas


Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
It’s not “When Wild Animals Attack!” as much as it is “When Stupid People Get Bit.”
When they say “instant credit,” don’t they actually mean “instant debt”?
Sports: 44,999 Runners Lose NYC Marathon
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Just be yourself, you idiot.
I’m disappointed *The Social Network* movie about Facebook didn’t have an epic Farmville scene.
In general, girls don’t like to be described as “beefy”. Even if you love beef.
I asked if she liked my handsome face or my sexy body. After looking me up and down, she said my sense of humor.
I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you are not committing any sins, you are probably not having a lot of fun.
“has just made the internet eight words longer”
“is moving through time at an incredible speed”
“has the force”
“is too drunk to update his status”
“is on your mind”
“wants to know why Facebook wants to know what he’s doing”
“is on a wing and a prayer”
“is raising the terror level”
“is slippery when wet”
“is making the most of right now”
“is a friend in need”
“is number one, so why try harder?”
“is open to suggestions”
“is beating his current record for number of consecutive days alive”
“is proof reading to make sure he hasn’t any words out”
“just had a reality cheque….it bounced”
“is playing russian roulette”
“is poking himself”
“wonders what the word for “dots” looks like in braille”
“places you under a pedestal”
“wonders how you know when you have run out of invisible ink?”
“just got scared half to death…..twice”
“is planning on being spontaneous….tomorrow”
“wonders why Japanese kamikaze pilots bothered wearing helmets”
“wonders if dyslexic devil worshipers sell their soul to Santa”